


in one spirit meet and mingle (why not I with thine?)

by snazzyflower



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Dialogue Heavy, F/M, Ghost!Will, James Herondale - Freeform, cordelia carstairs - Freeform, jem - Freeform, lucie herondale - Freeform, mentions of:, unedited I'm so sorry, various members of the london institute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 09:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17722673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snazzyflower/pseuds/snazzyflower
Summary: Will pays Tessa a visit.(title from "Love's Philosophy" by Percy Bysshe Shelley)





	in one spirit meet and mingle (why not I with thine?)

_…_

 

_Tess._

 

Tessa, lying in the darkness of their- no, _her_ room now- bolted upright. She knew that voice. She would know it anywhere.

 

_Tessa, my love._

 

She sat in silence, too afraid to speak out. Too afraid to hope.

 

_Sweet, sweet girl, it’s only me, you’ve nothing to fear._

 

Tessa opened her eyes then, turned, and saw the only person who would ever belong on that side of her bed. He looked just as he had when they were young.

 

“…Will?” she whispered, voice stuttering. She felt the urge to pinch herself- but she doubted she was asleep in the slightest. She hadn’t gotten much sleep in the past week at all, despite only having left the bed once since. Her white gown lay discarded in her wardrobe, locked away from her sight.

 

_Hello, darling,_ he said. _It’s been far too long, and quite frankly, very lonely._

 

“Will? I… Is- Is this real?” she whispered, reaching forward to touch his cheek. Her hand rested on his face, but in the oddest way- as though he was there, just under her palm, but her higher mind knew that he wasn’t, not really. She felt the warmth radiating off his face, but it just wasn’t as it should be, in a way she couldn’t describe.

 

_Of course it is, Tess,_ he said to her, leaning into the cradle of her hand. _Oh, how I’ve missed you._ His eyes, fringed by those long, dark, curling lashes that she’d envied since the day they met, fluttered closed.

 

“Have I died?” she muttered, not truly aware that she’d spoken at all. She was too busy raking her eyes over him, over the beautiful boy she thought she’d never see again. Taking in his dark curls, the returned smoothness of his face, his long, slim frame. It was all so familiar that it made her heart hurt.

 

At her question, his eyes flew open. Recovering from his brief moment of shock, he looked at her (so, so blue) and said, _Heavens, I hope not. You’re here just before me, are you not?_ he said, the smile on his beautiful face matching the humor in his voice.

 

“Just as I remember…” Tessa responded.

 

_It’s only been a week, my love. As if you could forget me so easily._

 

Tessa sighed, not daring to move her hand from his cheek less he disappear. “I could never…” her voice broke, tears beginning to spill from her eyes. “Will, I- I miss you.”

 

His expression fell, the smile fading from his face. _Tess, there aren’t words to describe how much I miss you. But I’m here, I always will be. Never forget that,_ he said, all traces of humor gone from his voice. So rarely was his voice ever this serious. Tessa missed his sarcasm.

 

She had half a mind to be angry with him for leaving her. She had half a mind to weep and fall into his arms and thank him for coming back. She had yet another half a mind to kill herself on the spot just to be with him once more. But Tessa couldn’t process what was happening, not in the slightest. She didn’t know how he was here, how it was even remotely possible, but she honestly didn’t care. The only thought she could process in her mind was-

 

“I love you, Will.”

 

His face softened once again. He lit up with his smile, as he always had, and he told her, _and I love you, Tessa Herondale. Tessa Gray. However you wished to be called._

 

She shook her head. “Herondale. Always, always Herondale. Always yours.” Her other hand lifted from her lap to rest on his other cheek. His smile, if it was possible, grew only bigger, brighter, and more beautiful than anything Tessa had ever seen.

 

_Tess, Tess, Tessa._ he grabbed ahold of her forearms and leaned their foreheads together. She closed her eyes. No matter the lack of familiar warmth that Will had always seemed to radiate, his grip, his appearance, even his smell- it was all the same. Tessa knew it all better than she knew herself.

 

_My Tess. Every part of me was yours since the moment we met. It was only my luck that you chose to love me, for I would’ve done anything you ever could have requested of me._

 

Tears were steadily leaking from her eyes by now. She gripped him hard, harder than she should have, but she couldn’t let go. It had only been a week since he’d passed, but it was Will, and half her soul had died with him. She knew she should be there for her children, her grandchildren, her friends, but without him she could do little except stay in bed. Her Will, gone entirely too soon. Immortal as she was, Tessa felt that no death could ever be worse than this pain.

 

She felt his familiar hands on her cheeks, wiping the tears from her face. Well, _trying_ to wipe them away. The motion was one he’d done plenty of times before, but his current state didn’t seem to allow him to actually accomplish the task. Strange, how he was so present and physical, and yet he was not there at all. Tessa would’ve pondered it more had she not been so absolutely consumed with the man before her.

 

_Don’t cry, my love. I’m sorry I cannot do more for you,_ he murmured, voice soft. She opened her eyes once more, moving one hand down from his face to grip his wrist tightly.

 

“Don’t apologize to me. Ever. Please, Will, don’t-“ her voice broke and she could say no more. He nodded, and Tessa knew he understood everything she couldn’t voice to him. Just as he always had.

 

He moved his hands to her shoulders so he could face her properly. It was dark in her room, yet she could see him so clearly, so vividly. His beauty, in every stage of their life, always broke her heart. Now, he was back to the way he’d been when they’d first met, and Tessa was nearly overcome with their memories of a full life together. Again, had she been more coherent than she presently was, she might’ve stayed on the idea longer. Currently, her mind and heart could bear no more than the perfect man here with her. So she squared her shoulders to face him once again, eyes on his. He smiled at her.

 

_Tessa,_ he said. _You’re not doing very well._

 

It was simply a William Herondale thing to say. Momentarily forgetting herself, she rolled her eyes. “Thank you, William. How chivalrous of you.”

 

He smirked, the ever familiar tilt of his mouth, and she remembered all over again. _There she is. I always knew James got it from you, not me. You know, as dramatic as it all was, it never surprised me that he ended up with Cordelia. Little spitfire, that one. She certainly put our boy in his place, didn’t she?_

 

Despite herself, Tessa laughed. “Oh, how we didn’t see it sooner is beyond me. There could never be anyone else for him _but_ Cordelia.”

 

He laughed, too. It was warm and full, just as it had always been. _I could not agree more. And remember just how_ well _she and Lucie got on, even as young children? Two peas of the same pod._

 

“Well, of course. Lucie, the best of you and I, plus a Carstairs. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She saw the smirk on Will’s face fade into another soft smile at that. Tessa felt her own smile smooth as well. Oh, how she missed Jem.

 

“I miss Jem,” she told him, gripping tightly to his wrists. “I miss you.”

 

_I know, my love._ He leaned forward to kiss her forehead. _I miss him too._ He seemed to pause, slightly, before continuing. _Tess, as I said, you haven’t been doing well in the past week. You’ve barely left our room._

 

Tessa nodded, feeling the tears prickle behind her eyes once again. “I know. I just haven’t-“ she paused, looking up to the ceiling as if the Angel might give her the words to describe this... complete and utter _hopelessness_ she’d felt since his death. Looking back at Will, she saw nothing but understanding on his face. He always seemed to know.

 

_I know, darling, but your life is just beginning. You’ve so much to do, and see, and experience out there. With our children, and our grandchildren, and their children after that._

 

Her heart stuttered for a moment. Losing Will was already akin to death. The death of- losing her children- she couldn’t even bear to finish the thought. That would surely be the end of her.

 

“Will, I can’t, how am I supposed to-“ she began to cry again. Will was supposed to be there to help her through this. They could get through anything, everything together. But Will wasn’t with her anymore. “I don’t know how to live without you.”

 

He shook his head. _Tessa, I will always be with you. I’ve been with you since the moment I left, and I don't plan on leaving._ Tessa could barely comprehend what he was saying, she was crying so hard. She didn’t know what had overcome her, but she couldn’t stop. Will stroked her curls, soft and sweet. _Tessa, please, you must listen to me._ He titled her face up to his.

 

_Tess, I will always be here with you. We will never be apart. I will wait patiently for you to join me, and we will be together again._ He smiled at her, still running his hands through her hair. _I’ve never been very… patient,_ he said, and even she cracked a smile at that. His own grew ever larger, his eyes soft. _But it seems you're stuck with me. No matter how long it takes,_ Will’s face grew serious, then. _I’ll wait for you. But, Tess, I need you to live. I can’t bear to see you like this. You deserve life, and light, and happiness- all the world can offer. I want you here with me, but not too soon. Please, Tessa, never too soon._

 

She nodded, though she couldn’t fully process his words. She felt like she was drifting without direction. “But Will, I just… I don’t know how to do this. Not without you.” He pulled her into his chest, then, and she curled against his familiar build. She had almost become used to the odd sensation that it was, his presence somehow physical yet not.

 

_But you do, love. You are so much more than I ever could’ve dreamt of being. I’m sorry I don’t have the answers you seek, but I believe that Magnus might. I think a trip to see him might be good for you._

 

Tessa felt her heart skip. She thought Magnus was somewhere in America? With her words muffled into his chest, she said, “I can’t leave the Institute. I can’t leave London, our family…” _You,_ she didn’t say. She didn’t know how it all worked, but she knew she couldn’t leave their memories behind.

 

Will pulled away from her slightly so he could see her face. _Our children are adults. You must believe in their competence. Our grandchildren are nearly grown, too- you might even convince everyone to travel with you. It’d be a nice vacation, I imagine,_ he said with a smile.

 

Tessa looked directly into his eyes. She never wanted to forget their shade of blue. “…What about you? Are you…” a thought struck her, suddenly. What if he couldn't come with her? What if- “Are you stuck here? Are you in pain?”

 

Will Herondale laughed- _laughed!_ \- at her. She almost felt the urge to hit him. He spoke again before she could do so. _I don’t care about London. I don’t care about this Institute. I only care about you. Our memories here are special, yes, but they don’t tie me here. They tie me to_ you _, Tess. I go where you go. You need not worry._ He smiled softly at her, and she was so, so in love with him. She always would be.

 

“Then.. perhaps I shall write Magnus. See if he would accept a visit,” she said, and Will’s eyes glittered with joy. He leaned forward and kissed her sweetly. She closed her eyes and let herself drown in it.

 

_Good,_ he told her. _Great_ _. I believe we should speak when you arrive, then._

 

Tessa’s eyes flew open, panicked, but he simply smiled. _You have things to do, Tess, and they all begin with a good night’s rest. I shall let you get to it._

 

“Do you promise you’ll stay with me?” she asked weakly. As childish and insecure as it was, Tessa couldn’t bring herself to care. If her Will was going to leave, she needed confirmation that she would see him again.

 

Will leaned down for one last kiss, somehow brief yet so entirely full of love, and slowly untangled himself from her. _Always yours, Tessa. I could deny you nothing in life, and I can deny you nothing now._ He grinned down at her. _Call for me and I will be with you at once._

 

Then, William Herondale began to fade away before Tessa’s eyes. A part of her felt like this was wrong, all wrong, like she absolutely needed to follow him wherever he went but she _couldn’t_ and it was driving her mad, but- she would see him again. This, Tessa was sure of. Besides, he had sent her on a mission to visit Mangus, and she would see to it.

 

“Goodbye for now, Will,” she whispered, reaching her hand out for his. He reached back for her. “I love you.”

 

_It won’t be long, Tess. My first dream…_

 

And his hand faded from hers.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> \- all references to James, Lucie, and Cordelia are, of course, complete guesses.
> 
> \- plenty of references to Will's letter for Tessa (Tess, Tess, Tessa / you are the first dream of my soul / etc.). I love that letter with all of my heart. 
> 
> \- apologies for the lack of early 1900s British language. I wouldn't say that is one of my areas of expertise.
> 
> \- quick note on the ending: one of Cassie's tumblr posts described her explicit dislike of "I love you" "I love you too" scenarios, and prefers to have her characters respond in ways that fit them (ie Sizzy's "I love you" "I know")- thus, in the ending here, Will references his letter to her, as it's more personal for them. hope it doesn't come across as uncaring, and it's actually meant to be quite the opposite. xx


End file.
